Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
