well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize