You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
