dude i'm inner monologue high
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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