Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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