I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
