I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
