"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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