I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
