dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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