Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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