i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
