honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
