i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
