"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
