Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
