I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
