today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sobbing to NWA
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
