Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
