3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
