It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
