You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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