Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
