I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
