Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
