I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
