the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize