it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you had me at cake vodka
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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