When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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