Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
