Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
