Will you blow on my dice?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize