We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
