ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
