We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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