Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Do vagina's smell?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
