You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
