just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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