I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
