dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
