I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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