You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
