Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
