Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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