Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
