just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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