she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
