Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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