Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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