so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
