they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
