I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Quick, to the slutcave!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
