So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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