Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
