Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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