He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
