I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
