The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
