She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
