He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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