So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
