is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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