Nicole vs. Life
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
