I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
