We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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