I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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