im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
